Mom to Mom: Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help

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Credit: mamanyc 

Being a mom is one of the best things a woman can be blessed with; it’s momentous! Along with this high-flying experience comes the sleepless nights, exhaustion and overwhelming dramas. I see you nodding in there! To make it worse, most moms feel ashamed of getting help because of the supposed impression from other people of being “less of a mom” or lazy or she’s-not-cut-for-motherhood thing. I think it’s otherwise. Part of being a good mom (to say the least) is being able to take care of yourself; this will include your health & sanity! There should be a state of balance to achieve success in every thing, remember the yin yang?

Simply put, how can you take care of someone else when you can’t even take care of yourself ?  When you’re sick, unbalanced, unhappy and crazy?! I had to learn this the hard way.

We are human beings who get burned out and emotions play a big part of how we perceive things (the world, other people and our life in general)– whether we admit the latter or not. We all need that cup of coffee that we’re obsessed with, that good book to read, that beautiful and vibrant paint on the nails, those good times with girl friends to be able to see the good stuff this world has to offer. Although, ideally, we should always see the goodness no matter what our current circumstances are. But you get what I mean, right?

People around me are astonished (I’m also aware that some are not impressed at all. LOL) as to why I’m a mom to a young tot and yet I am able to go on business meetings, do my passions, have a cup of coffee with friends. Well, I love my kid so much that I know I need to keep my sanity to be able to function well and be there for her.

I have been blessed with wonderful parents and family who are always willing to help me out with taking care of Saehee. I assume that being a Filipino and especially living in the Philippines, I am fortunate to belong to a society where families are closely-knitted. We are large. Loud. Happy. Supportive.

It is apparent to me that in other countries, people pay other people per hour to take care of their kids while they’re at work or out for a segment of refreshment from life’s hustle and bustle. If you are fortunate like myself (doesn’t need to pay anyone for a few hours of their time so that I can do things that I have to do)grab the opportunity! You don’t know how many women all over the world who would “die” to be in our shoes!

Help can come from various sources and is not only limited to family members. If you have the extra fund to hire a good and trust-worthy nanny, I support it. You help your family get a balanced life and you also help the nanny to finance herself  and/or her family.  It’s a win-win situation. You can also ask help from your close & trusted friends; maybe you need to run an errand or be at a meeting of some sort, give it a shot! You can leave your child at their house or your friend goes to your house while you’re out and about. It depends on your agreement, you can always negotiate. I learned that in the US of A, this set up has become a popular one— why? It becomes a play date for the kids. There might be other ways of help that are available to you, go ahead and utilize it. Whatever works!

However, don’t be self-absorbed! Never forget to be always thankful and be willing to reciprocate the goodness of those people who help you. I make sure that I also help out in any way that I can–like helping my cousins do their home work, watch out for their kids when they need to do something and I also give tokens (if the finances permits, of course).

Don’t worry about what other people would think or say about it– chances are those people who think negatively of it are actually not parents! They have no idea what a handful it can be when you’re a parent.

Remember that it is your life that you’re living for yourself and you know what works out for you and your family. Chill out. Life is meant to be enjoyed at all times!

Don’t forget to give your thoughts at the comments section below! 

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Transition is God’s Way of Promotion

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Credit: pexels.com

I knew in my heart at a young age that I was meant to do something else other than being trapped in a 9-5 job; doing the same things over and over again. While I have nothing against employment, I just felt that I wasn’t cut for it (just like not everyone’s for entrepreneurship). I finally had my shot with operating a brick-and-mortar business a few months ago and it started good. But as with any  business, the start up phase is always the hardest— many adjustments, trials and errors, “testing the water” among others.

My first supplier of goods overpriced me which already accounted for loss income-wise, there was a misunderstanding with my space’s contract which also cost me money, the sale was slow for a few weeks prior, i have no employee at the shop because the last one had to terminate her job with us due to unexpected family issues— all of these contributed to delays of bill payments and as of this writing, some unpaid ones. And yes, coupled with personal challenges that I wish not to share in this post.

For someone who was always enveloped from the harsh realities of life, this was my first taste of big time stress! Wherever I look, personal or career, it seems that nothing has gone my way (or at least what I expected them to be).

Instead of sulking and feeling sorry for myself, I turned to listening more to motivational podcasts and my current favorite is Terri Savelle Foy (Christian book author, conference speaker and success coach); seems that her messages spoke right through me. I heard her say and I quote:

Transition is God’s way of promotion.

According to dictionary.com; transition means “movement” or “passage”. Whatever ‘transition’ is in your current circumstance, it’s God’s way of promoting you and your life. It may not seem to be the best, it might even be painful in the beginning, trust that it’s there to teach you something valuable to better you and your life. 

For me, it’s slapping me on the face that I need to get my horses together and gradually transition to being independent. I have always banked on my parents for everything, even after having Saehee (my daughter as a single mom), and now I realize that there’s more out there in the real world than just my overly-dependent self. I am at a point right now that I try not to ask anything from them anymore, not unless I really have to and I have no other choice. I know that they’re always willing to help, but I think that it’s time to lighten their load a bit after twenty eight long years of my dependency on them. It ain’t cool to be a leech, you know!

Also, this experience taught me to be more mindful of decisions and actions to take. I was an immature young lady who would make decisions out of emotion and most likely than not, I ended up regretting. What was even worse is that I wasn’t brave enough to face the consequences!

See, all these trials that I’m currently facing positioned me at my tipping point. It’s like God’s saying to me, “Wake up, Geline! It’s not what and where I want you to be. You are and you deserve more than that.”

Without these complications, I would not have worked on becoming the person that God wants me to be. There’s a motivational quote and I’m going to paraphrase it but the gist is that, “When you feel devastated, almost to a point of giving up, that’s when your miracle is about to happen.” So don’t give up! God is only preparing you for a higher position; He wants to make sure that you’re ready for the “job description”.

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